i’m stuck in this hole of self hatred and it’s all my fault when is this ever going to stop when am i going to get better and seeing this old friend last night just made everything worse because it’s my fault that i don’t have friends anymore because i push everyone away i don’t let anyone in and jesus fucking christ
okay so last night i went to the movies with a friend i hadn’t seen in over 3 years because i pushed her away because well i’m a horrible person and god i never thought i missed her that much but it was so so nice and the first thing she said after i hugged her was ‘you still have this habit of squeezing people when you hug them’ and that just hit me because nobody ever noticed that and oh man i wanted to cry and apologize over and over again for being such a horrible person to her for ignoring her calls for suddenly erasing her out of my life because that’s what i do to everyone and why am i such a horrible person
you say you want to die but,
you still put that seat belt on
and look both ways before crossing the street
you lock your windows and doors
you would scream if someone was following you late at night
you would run for your life
but you do want to die
you just want to die on your own terms.
(via warwisher)
